I Love You

Presence over Presents

Hello Friends,

I’m grateful for you. Many of you I have met personally, and some of you I haven’t yet had a personal conversation with. But I’m grateful you care about children’s and your own self-compassion. And I’m grateful that you’re here. Thank you.

The week before Thanksgiving, I offered a workshop for a local business on “Tips and Tricks for the Holiday Season.” At the beginning of the workshop I asked people to name their holiday stressors. So many of them named, “finding the right gifts,” as a primary holiday stressor. This makes me really sad because the people we love need our presence more than our presents. And it’s so easy to get lost in trying to find the right presents that we can actually lose our presence.

What people really need to know is that we love them. Sometimes a present can be a great way to say, “I love you.” I bought a couple of presents the day after Thanksgiving that I know will really improve the lives of two people I care about. But when presents become a “should” or a stressor, we are often overlooking the many other ways to say, “I love you.”

Ways to say, “I love you”

We can, of course, say “I love you” with words. If you know people whose hearts swell with goodness when they hear, “I love you,” then it is a gift to be generous with your words. But sometimes people aren’t so comfortable with a direct expression of our love. My husband, who has the “chameleon” feelings habit, much prefers other expressions of love. He would rather sense my love through my appreciation, my listening ear, or my presence.

My youngest daughter enjoys the words, “I love you,” but she also hears “I love you” when I listen to her stories, rub her back, or spend time with her. She knows I love her when I make her favorite foods, get her a good book from the library, or take her shopping for something she has been wishing for (yes, gift-giving is one of her love languages).

My older daughter hears “I love you” when I share in her joys and sorrows, or help her with homework. She knows I love her when I attend her meets and concerts and cheer her on. Even though she’s sixteen, she still senses my love when I give her company as she climbs into bed, or when I make her favorite foods and we sit down to enjoy a meal together. She especially knows I love her when I turn off my computer and give her my full, undivided attention.

There are so many ways to let our friends and loved ones know we love them, and it’s important to remember that our loving, attentive presence is more important than our presents.

In January, I will be offering a LOT of classes that can help us develop the habits of mind that increase our (self-)compassionate presence. I’ll be offering a workshop for Kristin Neff’s community, an in-person book signing, and several self-compassion classes for parents, parent-child pairs, and adults. Check out my events here!

Loving yourself, too

In addition to helping others know we love them, we are also invited to love ourselves. What actions or words help you know that you are loved? Do you like to offer yourself kind words? Do you like to do yoga, dance, spend time in nature, or curl up and read a book? Remember to keep yourself in the loop this holiday season, and offer yourself love in the ways that you best receive it.

This holiday season (and always), I am wishing you and the people you care about the gift of your loving presence.

With love and gratitude,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. This past weekend I went up North to spend time with family. The last of my grandparents passed two years ago, and now it’s my own parents (and all of us) that are aging. I am acutely aware of how valuable presence is with my extended family ♥️.