Hello Friends,
As I grow and change over the years, one thing that remains true is paradox. Enhancing my ability to embrace paradox leads to spiritual and psychological growth.
Examples of paradoxical truths include:
I'm loveable as I am, and I need to grow and change (and the same is true of my children).
We are all different, and yet we are the same in many ways.
I need to both let go, and take action.
I want to do everything, and I cannot do everything.
This last one (embracing my finiteness and my infinite desire to do more) is often the hardest for me. I hate embracing the simple truth that I cannot do everything. I think this is true for many of us, especially parents!
On Quitting
I recently listened to an interview with Annie Duke about the how to get better at quitting. Annie has a PhD in cognitive psychology and was a very successful poker player, and I found her insights enlightening. Her reflections on quitting made me think about how I spend my time, and what is most important. It made me curious about what I should double down on, and what I should let go of.
I Want to Do Everything, and I am Finite
“I want to do everything, and I cannot do everything” is the paradox that I am unpacking in this newsletter. If I can’t hold in my awareness both truths (desire for infiniteness and reality of finiteness), I’m likely to 1) stress myself out trying to do everything and 2) think I’m inadequate because I can’t do everything. In other words, it’s tempting to think that the problem is me.
The invitation of embracing paradox is to remember that opposite ideas are not conflicting; they just involve making my pool of awareness a little bigger. I want to do everything, and I can only do a finite number of things. Can we take a moment and collectively breathe as we hold these two truths in awareness? You can join me in taking a few conscious breaths here.
Being finite does not mean I’m inadequate, it means I’m human. This is true for me, and for you, and for all of us. And this is a good thing! If I could do everything, it would leave nothing for you. We need one another precisely because we cannot do everything.
Identifying the Most Important Things
Because I want to do everything and can only do a limited number of somethings, I need to identify my most important somethings. For me, this means helping kids and their caregivers grow the resource of self-compassion. What does it mean for you?
I would love for you to share in the comments below what your most important somethings are. Maybe your most important something is loving yourself and your child for the finite, imperfect, and beautiful beings that you are!!
Upcoming Opportunities
It is easier to grow resilience and self-compassion when we do so in community with others. Growing a community of (self-)compassionate caregivers is actually my most important something!!
Join me in January for a free panel featuring a group of individuals dedicated to improving children’s mental health.
Self-compassion both boosts resilience and also helps with mental health challenges, including decreasing anxiety and depression. I hope to see you at the panel, or at one of my adult or parent-child classes or workshops in January. Together we can help children and their caregivers grow self-compassionate resilience.
A final reminder
A reminder to embrace paradox as we enter this often busy time of year: we wish to do everything, and we cannot do everything. Both things are true. And when you are not able to accomplish everything that you wish, remember that this is because you are human. You are still a good person.
Wishing you light and love,
Jamie Lynn
P.S. My daughters are both part of the Milwaukee Youth Choir this year. Yesterday they performed with the Florentine Opera (so cool!). Listening to my daughters sing and harmonize together creates so much joy and well-being in my life.